SAVE THE GOATS, I mean goatees?

I've been fortunate enough to have never had to shave my face, this may be because I am a girl but I'm still grateful.  I don't know what goes through a guys head when they decide to shave their facial hair into odd shapes and designs, but evidently some of them are really worried about symmetry.  I ran across this Goatee Saver on another blog about mens hygiene.  I think that this is semi-practical to have a template to help you shave your facial hair exactly the way you'd like it, but this thing is hideous!  I don't know who designed it but they made it look like a death trap.  I wouldn't put this in my mouth is you paid me.  If it were designed better, I might be on the positive side of this product but right now I'm not only wondering why anyone would buy that, but why would anyone want to put themselves in a muzzle?

Now this is a USB I would buy....

Yes, I said I would buy this.  Once in a while you have to indulge these guilty pleasures and laugh a little. I watched a video of this product and couldn't stop laughing.  This dog is USB powered so that when you plug him into your computer he furiously humps it.  I thought it was hilarious and would like to shake the hand of the man, or woman, who came up with this one.
Although  the ones that are being sold on Amazon don't actually serve any purpose except for the joke, I found a Japanese site that is also selling the same sort of product and I'm hoping that these ones are actually used as storage devices.  If they are then I am definitely buying one.  I can only imagine the look on the face of the person next to me in the computer lab after i plug in a USB drive that humps the computer.  Plus they come in all different colors to fit your needs.
  

USB = Ultimate Stripping Barbie

Scrounging up some dollar bills to go to the strip club can be stressful when you have a lot of work to do.  Someone has obviously already solved this problem by bringing you a USB powered doll on a stripper pole.  I'm not sure how this could entertain someone for more than 10 seconds. (Thats how long i watched the youtube video before closing the screen.) Amazon recently stopped selling them but you can still find them because evidently they are in high demand, even though I'm not sure why anyone would buy that?!??!

Taking portability to a new level.

People pay the price for laptops for the portability factor.  Theres just something about bringing your computer where ever you go that feeds us as a culture.  I mean now the internet is available on our phones so we don't have to miss anything.  But why not have a desk in your car? Stupid question I know, almost as stupid as this  Laptop Steering Wheel Desk.

If you have time to sit in your car and do work, then why not just go inside of your house, or office and do it there instead.  I don't see the need to sit in your car at the local grocery store and I know the man in the picture above seems to be in a parked car, but the fact that this can attach to your steering wheel and someone could possibly be trying to get some work done while driving down the highway is terrifying and stupid.  And I'm pretty sure that this product caused the accident below and if it didn't, it quite possibly could, and I'm unsure as to WHY ANYONE WOULD BUY THAT?!??!

Parasites have feelings too.

Kids everywhere are going to start WANTING to get lice after people find out about this wonderful cuddly plush toy. Ya, probably not, but I would love to know what was going through the mind of the guy who decided to produce these. Could you imagine that pitch meeting? I can't decide whether this is cute or creepy, but either way there are so many better stuffed toys for your kids to enjoy, so WHY WOULD ANYONE BUY THAT?!??!

Trap gas before it leaves your pants.

Everyone gets gas, and everyone farts.  Yes, some people do have more of a problem with this than others but usually it's not something you can control, unless you buy 'Subtle Butt'.  This is a disposable pad that you put in your underwear that deodorizes your farts before they even leave your pants! This company has a whole range of items that deal mostly with hygiene.  I would look into buying their 'Skid Out' that removes those pesky toothpaste drips and deodorant from your clothing, but 'Subtle Butt' is just way too out there.  Why would anyone want to walk around with this pad stuck to their ass just in case they have to fart? And what about guys that wear boxers, how are they supposed to use this without it falling out of their pant leg?? All in all, I think this is a ridiculous product and that someone wasted their time and energy. I honestly doubt that it works, and wonder WHY WOULD ANYONE BUY THAT?!??! (but if you have used it, let me know what it's all about, I'm still curious)

Also, check out the commercial that the company put out for the product......

Did you eat my Mommy?

I don't even know where to begin with this one.  It's not that I'm against plastic surgery, but if you are getting so much work done that your children might not recognize you from day to day then there might be a problem.  If mothers are so worried about there appearance that they need a book to explain their insecurities to their children then maybe they should have considered adoption more closely.





It's even better, or worse, that this was written by an actual doctor, who is obviously seeing the psychological problems that his work may be causing to the children of his patients.  He even had the audacity to compare these changes to that of a caterpillar changing into a butterfly, like this is common thing that every child and mother has to go through.  I truly think that this book is a huge scam and unnecessary for a normal household, but I guess normal isn't in these days.  The illustrations and story line are also pretty hilarious, taking serious procedures and dumbing them down to "blah, blah, tummy tuck, blah, blah, nose job...", conversations being had between the doctor and mother.  How much can this truly be teaching kids?  And honestly WHY WOULD ANYONE BUY THAT?!??!

DELICIOUS, if you want a chipped tooth!

There's nothing wrong with keeping a bowl of fruit on the dining room table or even on the kitchen counter, but only if its REAL FRUIT!  There is an over abundance of fake fruit in the world, but people keep buying it therefor it continues to be produced. BUT WHY?!!??  All they do it collect dust or cause pain to children. I don't care how pretty it looks to have perfectly ripe looking fruit displayed, you know what would be even better DISPLAYING REAL FRUIT THAT ACTUALLY SERVES A PURPOSE!!
                
So again I state, WHY WOULD ANYONE BUY THAT?!??!

Metal beats paper.

Remember The Slinky?? Who doesn't. We all had them and tried to get them to walk down the stairs and got really pissed when they got tangled because it was always bent out of shape by the time you untangled it. But I think the products song said it all "It's Slinky, It's Slinky, for fun the best of the toys. It's Slinky, It's Slinky, the favorite of girls and boys."
                                                    

But what if that wonderful toy was made out of cardboard?? Oh wait someone already did it! Here I introduce The Flexy:

Let's start with the name, it should be called something more like "The Soggy" because any kid is going to drool on it, ruin it while playing in the mud, or spill their chocolate milk on it. Even when bent a little The Slinky was still considerably fun, but how much fun can wet cardboard be? And what about the price, you can get a Slinky for under $5 now, so I think $14.50 is way over priced for such a disposable 'toy'.

I understand that a lot of companies are trying to become more green and make products out of materials that are less expensive and better for the environment, but come on!! WHY WOULD ANYONE BUY THAT?!??!

Opti-Grab Inspiration

The Opti-Grab was invented by Naven R. Johnson, a fictional character from the movie The Jerk. The device attaches to a pair of glasses to stop them from sliding down your nose, while also acting as a handle to put on and remove your glasses. Below is a shot from the movie where Steve Martin, Naven, is wearing a pair of Opti-Grab enhanced glasses, this will help anyone who hasn't seen the film to fully understand the product I'm trying to discuss.

Unfortunately, there was a huge side effect of using this product. When the customers removed their glasses they were permanently cross-eyed due to there eyes being attracted to the Opti-Grab when they had their glasses on.

Due to the 'recall' of the product it made me think about why people bought this product in the first place, not saying that they should have seen the terrible outcome well before their purchase, but there are other more conventional methods of preventing your glasses from sliding down your nose.

The Opti-Grab, although not a real product, led me to think about all of the crazy products that we see in infomercials, as well as the randoms items on end caps of our favorite department stores. Why do we buy all of these strange products? Who invents them and where do they get these outlandish ideas? And lastly, why would anyone buy that?

In this blog I intend to find strange new products that are out there, not just the Snuggie, which I still don't understand, and other well commercialized items, but my plan is to just dive into this strange world of inventions and see what I can find.